matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am midnight drunk by noon
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
