Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
