you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
