I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
