did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
