Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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