Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
