You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
