As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize