And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
