I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
