Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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