Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
