I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
