We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
