then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
