It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
