My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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