I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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