Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
