You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize