I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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