dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
