Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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