Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
But we have bathrooms and they dont
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
