Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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