Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
