she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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