i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
