I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The uberlube is also flammable
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
