i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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