Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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