Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
