Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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