You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
