it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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