Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize