Can i not drive my cunt home
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I didn't notice because vodka
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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