You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
COCAINE IS GR8
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
