I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
