1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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