Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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