I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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