thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
