Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize