I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
