I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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