I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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