I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
