put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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