How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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