I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hippo gnu deer
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He did a backflip because drugs
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