Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
