from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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