Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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