she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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