Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize