Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
God, I missed his penis.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
