it hurts more in the daytime
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize