I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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