Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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