I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
