i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
