Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would ride that face into the sunset
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
