Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
