dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
