how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
