I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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